Final Goodbye
by Insane and Knows It
Summary: ADOMMY- Saying goodbye is always hard. Which is why some people choose not to.


**_Yo! Yes, it's me again. I'm on a fucking roll!  
>Anyway, this isn't really a story, this time it's a letter. Yes, it's stupid, and yes, it's shit. But I was bored. So yeah. <em>**

**_As always, Adam Lambert and Tommy Joe Ratliff aren't mine. Soon, though. Soon._**

**_I hope you like it! :)_**

**_.._**

Dear Adam,

_**..**_

Fuck, do I hope you got this. It has your name on it, so it obviously should go to you, but who knows what the police did with it? It could be considered 'evidence', I guess. And in a way, I suppose maybe that's exactly what is. But whatever they're looking for, they sure as fuck aren't going to find it here.

First things first, I apologize. (To be honest, I have absoloutely no idea exactly what I'm apologizing for, it just seems like the right thing to do. Like it's the thing I'm expected to do. I know it isn't, considering this entire situation probably came as a surprise, but imagine if it wasn't, and I was expected to do something. Wouldn't that something be apologize?) Well, whatever I'm apologizing for, I'm so, so sorry about.

Next, please, don't blame yourself. Don't say you aren't, because I know you are. You're that person, it's what you do. But you need to stop. This isn't your fault, in any way, shape or form. It's the fault of me, and my stupidity. Purely and entirely.

_**..**_

Do you remember when we first met?

It was like a hundred years ago, wasn't it, when I auditioned to be in your band? I never told you this, but the real reason I did it, was not at all because I thought I was any good at music. I was just so in love with you.

I tried to lie about it, even to myself, but it was useless. I was so in love with you, it was borderline obsessive. So you can imagine how amazing it was for me, actually making it? Like, wow.

Can you believe it, though? How long I'd been in love with you? You told me afterward, when we finally started dating, that you had been in love with me since the moment you first laid eyes on me. Well, I win. I'd loved you since before then.

_**..**_

The next thing I have to tell you, is probably the most important:

I've been lying to you. Well, not entirely. I just haven't been telling the truth. Adam, my life was not nearly as easy as I claimed. Nobody in my life cared about me, and they probably still don't. (Don't you dare even think I'm exaggerating, because I'm not. I dare you to go visit my family, and give them the news. I promise you, they'll laugh and give you a hug.) When I was younger, my parents actually used to beat me, for being me. For being gay. That was why I was 'straight' for so long...

When I found you, you were, I'm not even kidding, the best thing that'd ever happened to me. You actually cared about me; you loved me for who I am. You were the nicest, most caring person I had ever had met. You were my everything.

And then we broke up.

That is why I am writing you this letter. Because my life has officially become too much too bare. You were the only thing I cared about in life; the only thing that cared about me. You were the reason I got up in the morning; the reason I lived as long as I did. And when that ended, I officially had nothing. Nothing to live for, nothing to love. And I just couldn't live like that.

Again, I have to repeat, that this is in no way your fault. You didn't know, and it all probably would've ended like this anyway. I'm sorry for leaving, and I'm sorry for not telling you. I'm sorry I never got to truely say goodbye. I'm sorry about everything I may or may not be putting you though, and I'm sorry about what I did. I'm sorry I never told you about everything that was wrong. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry that my solution was this. But you have to understand. I'm so sorry. About everything.

I love you, Adam. I never stopped, and I always will. So much more then words can say.  
>Try not to forget about me, kay?<p>

Love Always,

Tommy Joe

_**...**_

_I'm Going To Draw A Picture,_

_A Picture With A Twist;_

_I'll Draw It With A Razor Blade,_

_I'll Draw It On My Wrist._

_And As I Draw This Picture,_

_A Fountain Will Appear;_

_And As This Fountain Flows, _

_My Troubles Dissapear..._

**_.._**

**_(The poem isn't mine, either.)_**

**_The poem is kinda where I got the idea from, but not entirely. I'm writing an actual story for the poem as I'm writing this (multi-tasking!), just in case you care. Also, if you care, I'm almost done the next chapter for Last Kiss. _**

**_Okay, that's all._**

**_Please Review! _**

**_Love,  
>Van :D <em>**


End file.
